And I’m Eating At The Beat Like You Gave A Little Speed To A Great White Shark On Shark Week - Raw!

Huh... It's 5 years since I've posted on this blog. I've been meaning to. The intention was to try make sure these posts weren't emotional reactions to trivial personal situations and more a reflection of where was at and who I wanted to be at any given time in my life. These posts are a bookmark of values - things which I feel are important enough to write about (Music, spirituality, life, so on). 

I concede that posts to this point have been filled with pretension, that was an unavoidable part of how I used to write. I also admit that, you know, this topic in particular probably isn't the kind of thing people really want to read on timelines filled with cat memes and 6 second vids. But I'm not gonna lie - My fantasy NBA team sucks this year and I feel bad wasting internet time on a crappy team. For the record, 2013/14 Milwaukee Bucks can kiss my ass!

So in response to a few "Letters To My Future Daughter/Son" I've read, which is in turn is a response to all the various sexual assault/abuse cases being reported at the moment, I'll write my own with an emphasis on accountability. Not so much because I particularly like the ones I've read (they're all pretty cliché) but because I think it should get my point across and of course for this blog, it's a convenient reflection of me at age 27. I may do one in the future for a future daughter, but I think now's not the time.

By the way, if anyone actually reads this, please note this is my opinion and what I feel is realistic advice. I think there is an idealistic version of what people think men should be like, and then there is the reality.



"Hey Son,


   I'm writing to you from 2013. I'm 27, living in Auckland and studying again. Both of your Dad's fantasy sport teams are doing pretty crap. I mean, the NFL one is sitting 7 and 3, (nice!) but without Julio Jones, a reliable flex and unless Romo gives Bryant the damn ball, I feel like we're limping to the playoffs.

   On a global perspective, the environment isn't doing well, the economy is bleak in many places and people in many parts of the world are still fighting for reasons beyond my comprehension. In saying that, despite what the news might try and tell you, we're experiencing the most peaceful period in Human history. There haven't been any global wars for over 60 years and the attack on the twin towers in New York will only be something you'll read about in history class.

   But this isn't about my NFL team, international conflict or global warming. This is about you and the man I hope you'll become. I honestly don't know when or even if I'll be a father. I don't know what kind of Dad I'll end up being, but if you're reading this, know that I'm giving it more than my best shot!

   Over the last few months, I've happened to read dozens of articles, reports and accounts of women (and men) being mentally, emotionally or physically abused by their partners. It's not the kind of thing people like talking about, but it's a massive problem, particularly in New Zealand. It isn't uncommon to hear a mate say something like "Once Were Warriors: New Zealand's greatest romantic comedy". I'll admit to laughing at that many times, but then after watching the actual movie we realised that it really wasn't funny and in fact a harsh reality for some people.

   One thing that I often hear is that women should look after themselves, that they should be careful, not wear this or that, not act a certain way. But seldom do I hear a similar message discouraging guys from acting in a negative way. Let me be clear: The stupid, sexist shit that you will no doubt say with your mates in private is exactly that: stupid private shit. I'm as guilty of it as any other guy, but the things you say with your mates for a sick laugh or your penchant for the odd trip to the strip club with the lads (guilty) should NEVER be a reflection of your behaviour or conduct towards women. DO NOT think it's just okay to talk in a degrading way to women. If you see your mates crossing what you believe to be the line, then be man enough to say something or do something about it. It's not being a 'fag' or a 'wuss', it's being a man.

   Furthermore, be man enough to treat anyone with the same respect you expect from them. You'll be far better off for it.

   And if you don't take my advice and get caught abusing anyone:
a) I'll smack you upside the head.
b) I'll tell you that me smacking you is abuse and that you shouldn't do that.
c) I'll tell you that you are accountable for your actions and not to come to me for sympathy.

   People make mistakes, but abusing someone isn't just a mistake, it's a conscious choice. I refuse to accept that the victim is to blame. All that indicates is the perpetrator's lack of control and that isn't good enough.

   Sorry for the lecture, I mean I'm not even the man I want to be yet, but I'm getting there. Hopefully this gives you a bit of insight into the guy you call Dad. It isn't rocket science or imbedded in a book but given some of the horrible crap I've read recently, it needs to be said.

   In conclusion: Don't be a dick to women.

- Love, Dad."


Whew... That escalated quickly. :p

Where Do We Go From Here?

Just posted this the other day about the state of music. Basically it was me having a bitch about the fact that we don't seem to have any epic rock gods in our time and that the likes of Led Zep and Floyd are gone. Also the fact that everyone seems to be fine with this.

Ok. I'm sitting here listening to this playlist on my iTunes called "Reasons To Play Guitar". It's got songs from Eddie Hazel, Jeff Beck, David Gilmour, Jimmy Page, Frank Zappa, Stevie Ray Vaughn and a bunch of other guitarists that I really look up to. It got me thinking about the state of music today and what a sad reflection it is of the society we live in.

Where do I begin? Firstly we've got the top 40. A mind-blowingly shallow selection of stereotypical pop tarts, wannabe gangsters and soulless commercial rockers. Don't get me wrong I actually have an appreciation for certain pop and hip-hop songs, especially at 12am on a Saturday night in town, but I can't help but cringe at how meaningless most of our popular music is. I mean I couldn't care less about some girlie's lip-gloss, her handbag or whether her goddamn milkshake attracts many members of the opposite sex, in fact, I'm not entirely certain of the suitability of milk-products as subject matter in any music that I want to listen to.

Our music is censored. Rammstein release a video for the song "Mutter" which is perhaps a little dark, yet has no gore, sex, violence or even swearing. The same video gets blocked from TV until late at night simply because some mother thought it had "dark themes" and that it might corrupt her child. Sorry lady, by blocking thought provoking content on our airwaves, you're only helping expose your "precious darling" to a sea of depraved mediocrity. Someone should ask these mothers why on earth it's not okay to broadcast a hard rock video that is filmed in a dark room but for some reason it IS okay to show almost-naked ghetto booty flashing their shit around while rappers treat them like pieces of meat. Why is it okay to support these gangster wannabe mother-fuckers and condone videos depicting them doing drive bys?

What happened to the substance in our music? In the '60s and '70s, when the world was going through significant social change, the music reflected this fact. In some instances it even helped influence the change. Songs like Jimi Hendrix's "All Along The Watchtower" spoke out against the leaders of the time. The use of freedom of speech and creativity lead to boundaries and restrictions being challenged and broken. The youth were fueled by music and by the realisation that they lived in a social environment that wouldn't change unless they changed it themselves.

In the 21st century we find ourselves controlled by new leaders. Heads of conglomerates and corporations control everything we do. We're given the illusion of free will through the choices presented to us via the Internet but how many of us actually go out of our way to experience something new online or research an injustice we hear about. How often is it that we just do what everyone else is doing? How many of us choose to do something that might even a effect the mindset of one other person for the better? And going back to the original point of this rant, why isn't our music challenging us to challenge them?

It sucks that amazing bands like Shihad struggle to make it overseas and are booed off stage for having an opinion about the war on Iraq. I find it disgusting that the RIAA (Recording Industry Assholes of America) make 11 Billion dollars a year and it pisses me off that record companies fight the downloading when the artists themselves make almost nothing off albums and a lot more off their shows.. There have been a fair amount of local and independent bands I've seen live and bought only because I downloaded their song off the net first and loved it. I paid over 100 dollars for my Foo Fighters ticket and usually don't have a problem forking out $120+ for a Big Day Out ticket. [edit:] And I'd rather support a band by seeing them live than support a record executive's $200 lunch by buying 10 CDs.

In the words of Rage Against The Machine who so aptly seem to be blasting in my car lately. "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me".

We don't all have to be passive consumers. We shape our art.

The System

---> You are the antidote that gets me by, somethin' strong like a drug that gets me high. What I really meant to say is for the way I am. Never meant to be so cold. Never meant to be so cold.

What I'm about to type is personal. These are my beliefs and this is where my faith lies. It's something I can't really be convinced otherwise. Don't worry, I'm no angel, nor am I the hypocritical preacher. I'm just someone who's had his fair share of ups and downs, lefts and rights.

I've been brought up my entire life with the idea that "God" exists. I've always tried not to question that fact. When I was young, naive and wanting quick answers to trivial problems, however, I always used to somehow make him accountable for my mistakes. Somewhere along the way that changed. The God that I believed in changed from being the disappointed Father into the caring yet trusting Guardian. I choose the word "guardian" not to somehow lessen the bond I have with my God, so much as to highlight the changing set of expectations I have placed on him

The problem I have with the way people worship God is they expect so much from him. They ask for miracles daily. They ask for cures, answers, reasons. Every now and then, he delivers: the call up for that dream job or that 2nd division lotto prize. Problem is, a lot of these people blame God for their mistakes. Like when they get fired from that same job or lose that lotto money at the casino. In life, you get your chances and chances are, you'll blow a few of them. It pisses me off greatly when the blame is misplaced onto the creator.

So what do I believe in? Here we go. Firstly, I think that my expectations in God are a lot less than what most people have. I don't expect lightning bolt replies or instant solutions. I get whatever I get and and just have to work with it. I believe we're given free will for a reason and I'm out there to make the most of it (well, mostly). I know this sounds extra cheesy, but recently I found a quote in a movie which almost totally defined how I've viewed god for a long time.

Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

---> God, Evan Almighty 2007

In my opinion God gives strength because you believe in him not the other way around. I don't feel he owes me anything because he's given me everything I've ever needed to become who I am since the day I was born. For a long while now I've believed that God's responsible for 2 types of things: The big things and the small things. The small things being the subtle differences and quirks from day to day that make life interesting, like all of those little coincidences that bring people together or remind someone of something important that they've forgotten. Then there are the big things. These are the things everyone takes for granted or spend their entire lives saying grace for but never really appreciate. A loving family, a good circle of friends, a secure job nice car? Yea for sure, but how about food on the table, a roof over the head and running water? I always say this but most people really don't appreciate what they have. I'm glad I'm not "most people".

But what about the Bible? 10 commandments? The very foundations of Christianity... I am going to have to proclaim my ignorance in the teachings of the Bible and the god fearing ways of Christians everywhere but I don't think I can simply just adhere to the writings of people whose works seem to have inspired so much hate and/or prejudice. Furthermore, I think over/mis-interpretation of the Bible seems to have all but abolished what I feel to be the fundamentals of being a decent human being i.e.

Thou shalt not do anything that takes away the ability of another human being to appreciate the wonder of life and the world he or she is born into.

I realise that my opinions are those of someone born into a society and culture which is not reflective of every man, woman and child on Earth but my circumstances are certainly similar to those of many Christians around the world which is to whom I'm trying to relate all of this. I am also of the persuasion that life is full of grey areas. In saying that, I'd rather live in a world full of people who address those areas despite the associated stresses and hardships as opposed to a world full of those who would cauterise others for being different.

The problem with most organised religion is that it's far too complicated, inconsistent and exclusive to be relevant to more than a handful of people. Before I carry on let it be known that I'm not totally against the Bible. I think there are great lessons of courage, kindness and honour that can be learned in it's pages. I do however, hate the way people use the Bible and other such texts to justify their crimes of hate, ignorance and the criticisms people make of others who aren't alike.

I probably seem like a bit of a self-worshipping heathen with my "pick 'n' mix" set of beliefs and faith but I assure you all of this is a result of years of soul searching and questioning and something I haven't taken lightly. I've taken my personal vows. I've sworn my allegiances and I've decided on a way of life that suits me and what I believe in. I could never be agnostic because I find my proof of God's existence on a daily basis but I could never be a full blown Christian because a small part of me will always indulge in a life of material wonder and vulgar decadence. I enjoy parts of this messed up little world. And for all the prejudice and injustice we seem to get bombarded by daily, I can't help but find my own personal slices of heaven. I have worn this cross around my neck every single day for almost the last 3 years of my life not because it looks cool but because it reflects a decision which has defined who I am to this day. Some ask for a purpose or meaning to their life. I've known mine for a long time. It's entwined with the lives of all of those around me. I am a man of passion, conviction and faith, but never will I be a religious man. Organised religion is for the masses. So is MTV.

Just another causeway. Break.

---> Feed the cut and get in line. To live and burn is tug-o-war. Lost inspiration. Panic on the rise. A severed attempt ignored.

Right now I’m tired. Long couple of days, long couple of weeks, long year. Incidentally, the best year of my life. Funny how that works. I see these lines. Millions and millions of lines. We're all bound by them. The lines people draw for us, the lines we draw between ourselves and others, lines on the road, the lines that connect us. Boundaries, restrictions, guidelines, connections, heart strings.

I don't know. Sometimes everything seems so contrived. We end up being defined and encumbered by so many labels, judgements and preconceptions. People seem to just roll with it or even give up. I think it sucks just how much someone's negative opinion can affect another's emotions, or even opinion of themselves. Wish I could change that with some people. There are times I even wish I could change some of the things I’ve said. Bit late on that front.

Certain things don't need to be said, but some do. I was having a conversation month ago which eventually lead on to discussion about the apathy of the nation. People feel helpless and thus don't talk about subjects they feel helpless about. It's a lot easier to ignore a problem. It always will be. To a point. Unfortunately that leads to a blanket over what is and isn't acceptable. The apathy bug spreads and the ignorance continues. I think there's a certain amount of common sense that has to go into someone's decision making, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. Perhaps I was just fortunate enough to be raised with values that are mostly seen to be for the benefit of the society I live in. I can't but help find it surprising, however, just how often people don't think with regard to one another.

Duty of care - Something I learned about during my brief time at law school. Karma - Something I have learned by experience. Maybe if people started living slightly deeper lives (Wow, that's conceited). Ahh... but maybe if people started actually thinking about how their actions affect others but at the same time allowing themselves the grace to forgive others who don’t... Hah, maybe I should actually follow my own advice sometime.

I do get tired of people saying they're being "realistic" to justify something shitty they’ve done. What is that? Here's a reality for you. We live in a world turned upside down. The only/most efficient way to become at the top of this capitalist food chain that we live in, is to ignore everything that makes it worth waking up everyday only to pursue that which is ultimately a series of numbers. I don’t want a perfectly balanced cheque book being the only thing I have at the end of my life. I want memories, I want revelations, I want wisdom, I want connections that actually mean something. Fuck the rat race and fuck the cycle.

So here's a final line (thought). A circle. Whether it be a circle of friends, a cycle of abuse or any other behavioural cycle. The circle seems to be the one line that people can't escape. How can ya hop of a line which doesn’t end? Is it just predetermined as soon as you start? Of course not. Pro-choice? Believe that. You always have a choice. You have a choice of whether you use protection just as much as you have a choice whether you abort the foetus down the line. I have a choice whether I take my personal frustration and being tired out on others or whether I sit here for an hour and rant on and release via intelligible thought while listening to a roaring iTunes playlist. I have the choice to make a difference. If you're brave enough to read to the end of this, maybe I've already made that difference, but then again maybe you just don’t care. That's your choice. And I don't intend on taking it away from you.

Pet

--> Don't fret precious I'm here, Step away from the window and go back to sleep. Lay your head down child. I won't let the boogeymen come. Count their bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums. Pay no mind to the rabble. Pay no mind to the rabble.

And here I am. So us is this. I've been meaning to/ trying to write this post for weeks. But it always ends in distraction. I've typed that sentence countless times, now it's time to finish it. I love this blog, but at the same time I think I need to clarify it's purpose. I don't think I can make it happy-inspirational because that wouldn't be true to who I am and what I find inspirational. I'm not of the kind so as to have a 9 step program to success and I'm not the kind who thinks the world is perfect. I appreciate balance in life, and I firmly believe the only way to get the most out of life is to have your fair share of pain and suffering. Despite this I always try to be optimistic and can't stand being over cynical. That's me, take me or leave me. I'm surprised how many decide on the latter sometimes.

More to come.

Thirteen-->ThirtyFive

--> Tonight will pass us by as we're breathing in this moon-lit air. Tonight will pass us by as the world it seems to disappear.

Here's another one :) This is more accurately how I feel about the world and a lot less cynical than my previous post.

I have 13 minutes to finish this blog.

I saw this "live brightly" thing on YouTube today. Thought it was a good idea. Turned out to be a publicity thing for a potato chip company. Whoo, big surprise there... But anyway, it was about all the little things that one might do to brighten someone's day or generally enjoy life to the fullest. The videos were about some blonde chick who wanted people to share a "bright" moment of something they do might do daily for a competition via video. Aside from sounding somewhat cultish, I thought it was cool and kinda nice as opposed to the self-absorbed assholes we're so used to.

Probably less than 25% of the people around me (and I mean that in a very broad sense) actually appreciate what they have in life from day to day. Personally I get up every single day of my life and regardless of how tired, pissed off, hungover, or generally stressed I might happen to be (which has been a fair bit lately), I get up with the strong belief that I decide the part that I play in the eternal, swirling abyss commonly known as the world we live in today. I have a purpose, responsiblities, luxeries and a lifestyle which I appreciate and genuinely love. For me there's always something awesome around the corner. And when I say "awesome" I don't mean shit like what I'm going to buy in the next few weeks or what I'm doing this weekend. I honestly find sharing a laugh or having downtime with a good friend as something awesome. This is where I find my self differing from a lot people. Every single moment where I'm experiencing life means something to me. Every sound, sight, and touch is worth appreciating, whether it be bad or good. Because in the end there is no good without bad, no sweetness without bitterness.

I believe I could find a million places just in Hamilton, (which for the most part a pretty uneventful place) and still find some form of distilled beauty somewhere. No surprise I like "American Beauty" there are things in that movie which are pretty much the essence of how I view the world... cept I'm probably a little less weird/ creepy than Ricky Fitz. I love the sarcastic comment Jane makes about having a Kodak moment with her mother. It's a brilliant film.

But whatever, I've gone over my intended time and I'm ranting now haha, people either get what I'm trying to say or they don't. It's hopefully food for thought. In a nutshell, I'm thankful. And in my opinion people should be a lot more thankful for what they have. Maybe then people could learn a bit of empathy and stop being so fucking cynical and hypercritical all the time.

Later.

No Vacancy.

--> My words won't heal you now. My words won't heal. It is you who decides. It is you who decides.


Slowly transferring important posts into my blogger account. Hahaha I love this post from when I was 18 or so... So very pretentious. I disagree with bits of it and I'm probably a hypocrite by even posting such a blog, but it definitely had it's purpose at that time in my life :)

A journal?.. Stellar. I think i might just have to rant on and on about a pile of random while life ticks past, reality slowly kicks in and I wake the fuck up.

We go about life bitching about every little imperfection and blemish in an imitation of a magazine lifestyle. "My coffee mug's handle's too small. There's too much traffic. There's a stick in my ass. There's too many people living an imitation of a magazine lifestyle" (and yes, the last half of this paragraph was supposed be under quotation marks)

It's all too easy to forget times long since passed: Being a kid, climbing up trees over and over to make a jump, 'maybe this time I'll fly away and soar...' The optimism. The hope. Somewhere along the road, the words breathed by an unrelenting youth were lost in translation. 'How can I?' became 'Why should I?', 'Where can I?' became 'Where am I?'

Why appreciate when I can criticise? I mean, people listen to criticism whether they like it or not, the negative always has a greater effect on mood than the positive. Everyone wants to be heard, I know I do. Don't deny it.

Now there's an irony in this rant, which I'll have to change. For all ranters of our society, the 'individuals' and deviants who must isolate society's flaws and who feel totally above it solely because they can identify a problem within it - Imagine if we didn't have our current system of existence. Where would that put them? Without the majority, you don't have a minority and when it comes down to it a lot the 'minority' are just the majority in a different shell.

So who are the real minority then? The minority are the ones who are truly awake, they're the ones who embrace what they have. The few who can accept an imperfect and often indifferent world for the few wonders and the beauty within it. They're ones who make a difference every day, whether it be small or miraculous by being aware of a society and adjusting its rules to achieve a positive result. They might not challenge every norm in fact only challenge the ones that suit them, but they're doing it for them not to prove anything to anyone. In saying that, they know what can be seen as the not so good aspects of a system and know how to deviate when the occasion arises. They're aware without having to make a big deal about it and likely to say something along the lines of, "fuck it, I've got a life to live and not wasting my breathe on bitching about it"

You know exactly which one you are.

later.