The System

---> You are the antidote that gets me by, somethin' strong like a drug that gets me high. What I really meant to say is for the way I am. Never meant to be so cold. Never meant to be so cold.

What I'm about to type is personal. These are my beliefs and this is where my faith lies. It's something I can't really be convinced otherwise. Don't worry, I'm no angel, nor am I the hypocritical preacher. I'm just someone who's had his fair share of ups and downs, lefts and rights.

I've been brought up my entire life with the idea that "God" exists. I've always tried not to question that fact. When I was young, naive and wanting quick answers to trivial problems, however, I always used to somehow make him accountable for my mistakes. Somewhere along the way that changed. The God that I believed in changed from being the disappointed Father into the caring yet trusting Guardian. I choose the word "guardian" not to somehow lessen the bond I have with my God, so much as to highlight the changing set of expectations I have placed on him

The problem I have with the way people worship God is they expect so much from him. They ask for miracles daily. They ask for cures, answers, reasons. Every now and then, he delivers: the call up for that dream job or that 2nd division lotto prize. Problem is, a lot of these people blame God for their mistakes. Like when they get fired from that same job or lose that lotto money at the casino. In life, you get your chances and chances are, you'll blow a few of them. It pisses me off greatly when the blame is misplaced onto the creator.

So what do I believe in? Here we go. Firstly, I think that my expectations in God are a lot less than what most people have. I don't expect lightning bolt replies or instant solutions. I get whatever I get and and just have to work with it. I believe we're given free will for a reason and I'm out there to make the most of it (well, mostly). I know this sounds extra cheesy, but recently I found a quote in a movie which almost totally defined how I've viewed god for a long time.

Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

---> God, Evan Almighty 2007

In my opinion God gives strength because you believe in him not the other way around. I don't feel he owes me anything because he's given me everything I've ever needed to become who I am since the day I was born. For a long while now I've believed that God's responsible for 2 types of things: The big things and the small things. The small things being the subtle differences and quirks from day to day that make life interesting, like all of those little coincidences that bring people together or remind someone of something important that they've forgotten. Then there are the big things. These are the things everyone takes for granted or spend their entire lives saying grace for but never really appreciate. A loving family, a good circle of friends, a secure job nice car? Yea for sure, but how about food on the table, a roof over the head and running water? I always say this but most people really don't appreciate what they have. I'm glad I'm not "most people".

But what about the Bible? 10 commandments? The very foundations of Christianity... I am going to have to proclaim my ignorance in the teachings of the Bible and the god fearing ways of Christians everywhere but I don't think I can simply just adhere to the writings of people whose works seem to have inspired so much hate and/or prejudice. Furthermore, I think over/mis-interpretation of the Bible seems to have all but abolished what I feel to be the fundamentals of being a decent human being i.e.

Thou shalt not do anything that takes away the ability of another human being to appreciate the wonder of life and the world he or she is born into.

I realise that my opinions are those of someone born into a society and culture which is not reflective of every man, woman and child on Earth but my circumstances are certainly similar to those of many Christians around the world which is to whom I'm trying to relate all of this. I am also of the persuasion that life is full of grey areas. In saying that, I'd rather live in a world full of people who address those areas despite the associated stresses and hardships as opposed to a world full of those who would cauterise others for being different.

The problem with most organised religion is that it's far too complicated, inconsistent and exclusive to be relevant to more than a handful of people. Before I carry on let it be known that I'm not totally against the Bible. I think there are great lessons of courage, kindness and honour that can be learned in it's pages. I do however, hate the way people use the Bible and other such texts to justify their crimes of hate, ignorance and the criticisms people make of others who aren't alike.

I probably seem like a bit of a self-worshipping heathen with my "pick 'n' mix" set of beliefs and faith but I assure you all of this is a result of years of soul searching and questioning and something I haven't taken lightly. I've taken my personal vows. I've sworn my allegiances and I've decided on a way of life that suits me and what I believe in. I could never be agnostic because I find my proof of God's existence on a daily basis but I could never be a full blown Christian because a small part of me will always indulge in a life of material wonder and vulgar decadence. I enjoy parts of this messed up little world. And for all the prejudice and injustice we seem to get bombarded by daily, I can't help but find my own personal slices of heaven. I have worn this cross around my neck every single day for almost the last 3 years of my life not because it looks cool but because it reflects a decision which has defined who I am to this day. Some ask for a purpose or meaning to their life. I've known mine for a long time. It's entwined with the lives of all of those around me. I am a man of passion, conviction and faith, but never will I be a religious man. Organised religion is for the masses. So is MTV.