And I’m Eating At The Beat Like You Gave A Little Speed To A Great White Shark On Shark Week - Raw!

Huh... It's 5 years since I've posted on this blog. I've been meaning to. The intention was to try make sure these posts weren't emotional reactions to trivial personal situations and more a reflection of where was at and who I wanted to be at any given time in my life. These posts are a bookmark of values - things which I feel are important enough to write about (Music, spirituality, life, so on). 

I concede that posts to this point have been filled with pretension, that was an unavoidable part of how I used to write. I also admit that, you know, this topic in particular probably isn't the kind of thing people really want to read on timelines filled with cat memes and 6 second vids. But I'm not gonna lie - My fantasy NBA team sucks this year and I feel bad wasting internet time on a crappy team. For the record, 2013/14 Milwaukee Bucks can kiss my ass!

So in response to a few "Letters To My Future Daughter/Son" I've read, which is in turn is a response to all the various sexual assault/abuse cases being reported at the moment, I'll write my own with an emphasis on accountability. Not so much because I particularly like the ones I've read (they're all pretty cliché) but because I think it should get my point across and of course for this blog, it's a convenient reflection of me at age 27. I may do one in the future for a future daughter, but I think now's not the time.

By the way, if anyone actually reads this, please note this is my opinion and what I feel is realistic advice. I think there is an idealistic version of what people think men should be like, and then there is the reality.



"Hey Son,


   I'm writing to you from 2013. I'm 27, living in Auckland and studying again. Both of your Dad's fantasy sport teams are doing pretty crap. I mean, the NFL one is sitting 7 and 3, (nice!) but without Julio Jones, a reliable flex and unless Romo gives Bryant the damn ball, I feel like we're limping to the playoffs.

   On a global perspective, the environment isn't doing well, the economy is bleak in many places and people in many parts of the world are still fighting for reasons beyond my comprehension. In saying that, despite what the news might try and tell you, we're experiencing the most peaceful period in Human history. There haven't been any global wars for over 60 years and the attack on the twin towers in New York will only be something you'll read about in history class.

   But this isn't about my NFL team, international conflict or global warming. This is about you and the man I hope you'll become. I honestly don't know when or even if I'll be a father. I don't know what kind of Dad I'll end up being, but if you're reading this, know that I'm giving it more than my best shot!

   Over the last few months, I've happened to read dozens of articles, reports and accounts of women (and men) being mentally, emotionally or physically abused by their partners. It's not the kind of thing people like talking about, but it's a massive problem, particularly in New Zealand. It isn't uncommon to hear a mate say something like "Once Were Warriors: New Zealand's greatest romantic comedy". I'll admit to laughing at that many times, but then after watching the actual movie we realised that it really wasn't funny and in fact a harsh reality for some people.

   One thing that I often hear is that women should look after themselves, that they should be careful, not wear this or that, not act a certain way. But seldom do I hear a similar message discouraging guys from acting in a negative way. Let me be clear: The stupid, sexist shit that you will no doubt say with your mates in private is exactly that: stupid private shit. I'm as guilty of it as any other guy, but the things you say with your mates for a sick laugh or your penchant for the odd trip to the strip club with the lads (guilty) should NEVER be a reflection of your behaviour or conduct towards women. DO NOT think it's just okay to talk in a degrading way to women. If you see your mates crossing what you believe to be the line, then be man enough to say something or do something about it. It's not being a 'fag' or a 'wuss', it's being a man.

   Furthermore, be man enough to treat anyone with the same respect you expect from them. You'll be far better off for it.

   And if you don't take my advice and get caught abusing anyone:
a) I'll smack you upside the head.
b) I'll tell you that me smacking you is abuse and that you shouldn't do that.
c) I'll tell you that you are accountable for your actions and not to come to me for sympathy.

   People make mistakes, but abusing someone isn't just a mistake, it's a conscious choice. I refuse to accept that the victim is to blame. All that indicates is the perpetrator's lack of control and that isn't good enough.

   Sorry for the lecture, I mean I'm not even the man I want to be yet, but I'm getting there. Hopefully this gives you a bit of insight into the guy you call Dad. It isn't rocket science or imbedded in a book but given some of the horrible crap I've read recently, it needs to be said.

   In conclusion: Don't be a dick to women.

- Love, Dad."


Whew... That escalated quickly. :p